The Hurt Is Real

I'm just going to come out and say it, I'm having a rough go right now.  I have been on an emotional roller coaster of major highs and massive lows. I get beautiful glimpses of glory and on the heels, a horrific understanding of hurt. I'm giving God all of it and trying to remember who I am in Him, but it's hard at times.  The hurt is real. How can I be in a place I find such joy and be getting wounded? What is the meaning of that? The truth is, when we finally come to a place of deeper understanding of who we are in Christ and how to live in Christ, we will find ourselves being attacked by evil. My prayer for you, if you are finding yourself in this place, is that God would bind the evil one and continue to deepen your joy. Who am I kidding? This is my prayer for myself right now.  I feel a bit like a psalmist. Take heart! If you're being attacked, you're relationship with Jesus is probably in a really good spot.  Keep it up, my brothers and sisters in Christ!

Nothing Better

It is amazing how life-giving moments can be when you are used by God for others. When I am in the most uncomfortable place, God decides to lob in a whopper and I am blown away by His grace and provision. I'm almost to the point that I feel dumb about it.  Why did I question? Why was a I whiny? Why did I think it wasn't fair? Then God shows me and I'm jerked back to humility. Dad spoke of each of us being on the planet for one person, maybe more for some of us. The moments when God gives you the glimpse of that person is breathtaking and humbling. I am at a loss for words a bit today, so I'm hoping this makes sense as I type it. My heart is so full and my soul is at peace. Ah, to be an instrument of the Creator of the universe...there is nothing better. May you get a glimpse of that one for whom you are here. There may be many, but I pray you see at least one. It is powerful.

Grace or Criticism?

Sometimes we have the opportunity to show grace or be critical.  We might even have the opportunity to be critical and it's merited. When that happens to you, what is your go to?  Are you the type of person who extends grace to all, even when it's unmerited, or are you critical of others because you can be? This is a hard question for me to answer. I would like to think that I extend grace to everyone. I mean, after all, God has mercy on me in my imperfect state. Unfortunately, I know I don't always extend grace. I know I can be critical at times, mostly when it comes to an issue of control.  God is challenging me with this. I've been grasping to take back control of things I had once turned over to Him. I'm critical of others who don't "control" things like I would. It's super unhealthy. God's working on me. Please don't be critical of me, but rather extend me grace. I'm trying to do the same. My heart change is not in my control. Thankfully, God's got it.

A Humble Spirit

Father, thank you for your guidance and mercy. I pray that your love will radiate through me to those around me.  I pray that others will see you first, always.  Keep my spirit humble and my heart kind. Make my soul soft and caring, that I will listen.  Be ever-present. Your will be done and the may you receive all of the glory. Amen.

With Me Always

These last two weeks have been a transition time for me.  I headed back to work to a new school, but in a familiar position. I have had new people to get to know, new tools to use, and new ways of doing and thinking. If you know me, you know I like change, so that's not been so difficult. But just because I like change doesn't make it easy. As a matter of fact, one of the hardest parts of this change for me is that I had to leave people.  I keep in contact, but the truth of the matter is, I miss them daily. These are the times when I am very aware of the constancy of my relationship with Jesus.  He is with me always. He is why I am able to make the change, leaving familiar things and people and move forward. I'm not paralyzed. Even when the change is hard and uncomfortable, I am able to rest in the familiar arms of Jesus knowing I am loved, cared for, and understood. I'm gaining a clearer understanding of why it is so important for me to tend my relationship with Christ and spend as much time with Him as I possibly can.  He knows me best and He is the only one who is with me always.

Not About Performance

Today I'm grateful that God's love for me is not based on my performance. It is very freeing knowing that I am loved unconditionally. God does not put my good deeds on one side of the scale and my bad deeds on the other. I don't have to 'hope' I've been good enough to get into Heaven or that my good deeds have outweighed my bad. Jesus' death on the cross has paid the penalty for my bad. I can live in Him knowing that I am loved by God undoubtedly and I will be in Heaven with Him for eternity. And that's just the beginning of what God's unconditional love does for me. :-)

When God Is Silent

I have sat for almost 30 minutes and have no coherent thoughts to write about.  Some days you just come up dry.  It doesn't mean that the time I spent seeking God wasn't worth it or wasn't valuable.   It also doesn't mean that God doesn't care or is upset with me.  It simply means God knows when my heart is ready to receive His word and when it isn't. Sometimes the best thing for me is just to spend the quiet time with God, seeking Him, and giving Him my attention. I'm not concerned about His silence. I'm glad I had the time with Him.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.

God's Got This

I've had a couple of things this week that have made my heart skip a little, in a good way. I've grown majorly careful about getting my hopes up because life hasn't been super kind. For some reason though, I can't seem to get rid of my hope completely. I guess that's a good thing. I have learned how faithful God is when the road doesn't seem to "rise to meet me". When things start looking hopeful and I start to get excited, God reminds me that it's okay to allow my hope to rise because He was, is, and will be faithful in all circumstances. What does His faithfulness look like? It is comfort in sadness. It is peace that passes understanding. It is joy in sorrow. It is hope in tragedy. It is rejoicing in all circumstances. His grace carries me through any and every situation.

Cloudy Brain

I don't have much running through my mind today. Well actually there is a ton running through my mind and maybe that's the bigger issue. Sometimes my mind gets so full it feels numb and nothing seems to make sense or have meaning.  I know you know what I'm talking about. In those moments, I have learned to quiet myself, find a quiet spot, stop all the thoughts by focusing solely on Jesus.  I picture his feet on the throne as if I'm kneeling in front of Him.  As my mind begins to wander, I say His name, Jesus. I spend anywhere from a minute to many minutes in this spot, just focusing on Jesus. This helps my mind recenter and even get rid of thoughts that were just clouding my brain.  Things seem to make better sense and I can make meaning of more information from all realms after I do this. It's worth a try if you've never attempted. :-)

How Can I Help?

How do you help someone who is struggling? Words don't seem to work. Hugs seem trite. Wisdom is not comforting. So what do we have to offer? In my personal experience during my own times of struggle, the best thing was the spend time alone with Jesus and to have Jesus present through my friends and family.  No fancy words, no words of wisdom, no hugs (although for me, I'm not a hugger anyway)...it was just their presence and His. We know people hurt with us.  We know they feel bad for the situation too. We know they would take away if they could. We know all of the better things that are coming. We don't need reminders. We need to be in the presence of Jesus in communion with one another.  That's when true healing begins...in the presence of Jesus.

Focused

Lord you are all knowing.  You have brought me to this very spot for a very specific purpose.  Give me the eyes to see, the ears to hear, and the heart to respond to your voice.  Do not let me be caught up in the things that don't matter.  Let me be focused on you in all things.  Thank you for who you are. Amen.

The Main Attraction

I'm pondering the idea of the circle of impact. Initially I was thinking we need to be sure that we have a ripple effect and let our lives make a mighty impact. But then I thought about the person who spends his/her time quietly alone with God, impacting the few people who may care for him/her or visit him/her. Are either of these lives more valuable than the other? No. So do I mean that we shouldn't care about sharing Jesus. Not at all. The insight I'm taking from this is do whatever it is you are called to do by Jesus.  If that's to father a nation, then do it.  If it's to give your last two coins to Jesus, then do it. This life is not about our impact, but rather our relationship with Jesus. We get caught up in wanting to make it about how big our churches get, or how many people like our post, or  what our altar call count is, which is a distraction from the main attraction...Jesus. Live life for Jesus and let Him make an impact in, around, and through you however and to whomever he chooses.  Make life about Jesus and you will have an impact.

Keep Seeking

It has been a difficult couple of weeks for me, emotionally and spiritually. I've had lots of questions and apprehension. So what do I do? I go to Jesus and I go to my spiritual mentors. As soon as I notice I'm feeling a little "off", I text my mentor people and ask them to start praying. I give them specifics about what I'm seeing and feeling and ask them to intercede on my behalf. Then I begin a very diligent prayer pattern and 'eyes open' lifestyle. God has been faithful and revealed to me, through my mentors and my journey, new insights into His calling for me. I have been overwhelmed by His generosity in casting the vision and clearing my sight to see His it. There is a reason behind all that we think, feel, do, and experience. The key is to seek the One who is sovereign and omniscient, for He will shine light in the darkness. Keep seeking Jesus!

Quality Time With Jesus

We are so important for one another.  I am an ambivert, meaning I go back and forth between being and extrovert and an introvert. I get my energy from being alone, not being with others.  However, quality time is one of my strongest love languages.  Being with people is hard for me, and I prefer to do it one or two at a time when I do get together with others.  All of that said, we need each other.  We need our relationships and conversations to help us along the journey.  I find that I gain so much when I spend time with someone I love.  I am rejuvenated and energized by the personal interaction. I find the same to be true when I spend time with Jesus.  It seems harder because He doesn't seem to have a dialogue with us.  In reality, we don't know how to have a dialogue with Him.  It takes time to get to know Jesus well enough that you can sit quietly, listen, and know when He is speaking to you.  It is hard to give him as much time as that relationship really needs.  We are in a society of quick relationships through social media and texting.  My challenge is to make the time it takes to get to know Jesus, so that I can have personal interactions with him and be rejuvenated and energized through my quality time with him.  I will still spend time with my friends and family, of course, but I need to spend more time with Jesus.

With Grace

I'm speaking solely to myself today, even though I'll speak in we language. ;-)  Sometimes people are hard to handle. Our brokenness gets in the way so often. We respond in ways that are hurtful, even when we don't mean to hurt. We give advice when none has been requested. We offer words of what we think are wisdom, and instead they come out condescending. However, there are two ways this street. Sometimes we choose to be offended, when no offense was intended. Sometimes we grab onto only the negative comment and focus on it until it becomes all consuming. How can we handle one another? With grace. People are broken. As I've said before, we have to look at them through God's eyes and love on them as Christ would. Get over it and move on in grace through Christ Jesus.

I Am Rooted

I've been experiencing some very interesting days here lately. My emotions seem to be all over the place about all sorts of different things going on. I am anxious about all of the new. I'm frustrated about the old. I'm excited about the possibilities. I'm overwhelmed by my thoughts. I'm hopeful in tomorrow. I'm apprehensive about the change. With all of these emotions flying around, I'm sure glad I have one thing that never changes. Jesus is my constant. He is in every moment, in every feeling, in every thought.  He walks alongside me reminding me of His presence. When the emotions run high, I know I am rooted deeply in the One who is sovereign over all and I will not be shaken.

Rescue

Each year at the start of my school year, I ask God for a word. One word that will lead me through the year and give me a particular direction to watch for God at work. This year my word is rescue. I read the book of Amos, it's short, and found God rescuing the oppressed and providing justice. I don't know yet what the word rescue entails. I hope to be on both ends of this one, being rescued and rescuing others, experiencing God working in me and through me. It will be an interesting focus, I believe, because it is an action word that requires more than just my faith. (My last two words were persevere and trust.) I'm excited to see how this new focus will transform my heart through God's movement. I'm meeting Him where He is!

Be Near

Lord, be near. May your Spirit infiltrate my heart and mind. I pray for peace that passes understanding and hope of You. My heart cries to you and I know you hear me. Thank you for your Son and that truth that He knows our pain and He walks with us. Be near. Amen.

Jesus Knows

I have no words today. In these moments, I have to let my soul speak. I send up continual prayers knowing that Jesus knows and he will intercede on my behalf.

Worry About Yourself

How do you decide where to stand on moral/social issues? Do you study research? Do you lean on your personal experience? Do you believe what your parents believe? Do you search the Bible and try to find something similar to apply? So what is the right side to be on? How can we know the best stance to take?  This is the exact reason it is imperative that we have a close relationship with the Creator of it all. We have to let Jesus speak into our hearts and give us peace about our stance. We have to respect each other in our stances and trust each other into the care of the Father rather than condemn and judge. It is not our job to convince others to take our side or even listen to our side. And it is definitely not our job to judge others on their stances. It is our job to spend time with God and listen to the Spirit at work in our own hearts.  Worry about your heart and get right with God.  Encourage others to do the same.

Not Perfect and Painless

Today I was reminded about the importance of the struggle. There is so much to be gained in struggle and yet we want to get rid of it.  We want to cure illnesses and eradicate diseases. We want to protect loved ones from pain and stop tears from falling.  However, this is completely opposite of the way Jesus lived.  His life was filled with struggle and pain. I'm guessing his mother shed many, many tears.  He did cure some sickness, but he could have eradicated any and all illnesses, yet he didn't.  This tells me, along with my personal experiences, that we gain something from the pain.  We gain a grace that is not getable in a struggle-free life. Jesus came to redeem us, not to make life perfect and painless. Embrace the struggle and see what God does in, around and through you.

Needing To Rest

It's been a crazy week already.  Today, I am needing to rest in the arms of Jesus and ponder Psalm 62:1-2 My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Fussing Is Good

Days like today require a quiet reflection of self.  It's a quick look at where I am, where I'm going, and where God is in the mix. I'm fussing with something right now, trying to figure out what God is up to.  I'm not getting anywhere, but the fussing that I'm doing feels good.  It is a positive stretching of my faith and a continuous reflection of God's faithfulness.  I'm always looking ahead, always putting forth my best, and attempting to keep a God perspective on the journey.

A New Altar

How do you decide what has significance and what doesn't?  How do you decide when happenings are something to pay attention to or to ignore? Basically, when do you see God at work? I find myself taking credit for things or attributing happenings to myself, whether good or bad. They seem to be a direct result of something I did or said...or so I think. How egotistical, whether the outcome is something is something I was or wasn't hoping for. I've found that my life is generally not about me. There is a much larger Kingdom I serve than my own and that Kingdom has a much bigger purpose than just me in my little kingdom.  I try to stay on my "throne" and keep everything going the way I want it to go and when that doesn't happen, I take the blame.  When things go my way, I take the credit too.  I'm trying to dethrone myself.  I'm trying to break down the altar I have built to myself and build an altar in my heart to God. I wish it weren't so easy to get caught up in my own little kingdom.  I wish I wasn't so, "Yes, I can!" all of the time.  I need the Spirit to transform my heart and to build a new altar, one that puts Jesus on the throne.

To Glorify You

Lord, sometimes words are not enough to express my gratitude for all you have done for me. In those moments, I pray that my life is a wellspring of thanks to you, that you may know how much I adore you and your gifts. There is nothing I can give you that even begins to return my thanks, so I give you my life. May I give you all that I am and all that I have that you may be glorified in return.  That is all I can offer. Amen.

Dear Holy Spirit

Day 3 of 3 days of writing to the Trinity. I encourage you to think on these for yourself as you read, because each of us has a different/personal relationship with our Triune God.

Dear Holy Spirit,

You overwhelm me with your grace and peace. I am struck everyday how quickly you show up and the places in which you are with me. You infiltrate my soul and bring about all sorts of joy, peace, and faith. I am full because of you. My life will never be the same because you have entered in.  You join me in moments of sorrow and in happiness. You bring more power than I can even fathom into my daily journey. My soul longs for your touch. There is nothing in this world that compares to your beauty. Life has nothing on me because you are with me. Thank you for your work in my soul.

In Love,
Abbie

Dear Jesus

Day 2 of 3 days of writing to the Trinity. I encourage you to think on these for yourself as you read, because each of us has a different/personal relationship with our Triune God.

Dear Jesus,

You are my best friend. You know all of my hopes and dreams and you share in them with me. You walk closely with me and feel all I go through.  Jesus, you are my light and my hope. You are my life. In you, there is nothing I cannot do. Walking with you is indescribably wonderful. I'm grateful everyday for your sacrifice of love. The boundless love you've shown for me and continue to bestow on me is life-giving.  I'm overwhelmed by your compassion and grace. You make my life worth living. My soul has been set free in you and I live everyday knowing that you are my freedom and my salvation. Thank you, dear Friend.  It is a privilege to call you so.

Sending much love to you,
Abbie

Dear God the Father

For these next three days, I'm going to take each day to write to the Trinity. I encourage you to think on these for yourself as you read, because each of us has a different/personal relationship with our Triune God.  I'll start with God the Father.

Dear God the Father,

You are my everlasting. You are omnipotent and omniscient. You make all things come to be. You are in charge of my life. You care for me and watch my every step.  Your sovereignty brings me peace. I rest in your arms and I take refuge under your wing. You are eternal and mighty. All glory rests on you, Father, for you are the giver of all good things. You are the beginning and the end. You have my days in your thoughts. I know I am never far from your thoughts and that your concern for me is powerful. You are almighty. Your way is my desire. Thanks be to you for you have fearfully and wonderfully made me.

I Love You,
Abbie

The Fourth Generation

Recently we were in the farmhouse that my mom grew up in that was built by her grandfather. As I stood in that old house looking at all of the familiar doorways, windows, and floors that I knew so well as a small child, I couldn't help but be flooded with the joy and gratitude of being raised by and knowing women who walked with Jesus their entire lives. I am a fourth generation woman of God.  My great-grandmother Elsie had calluses on her knees from kneeling in prayer. She was an incredible woman of faith. My grandma Betty had a unique voice and style of piano playing that  came from the Holy Spirit within her. Her joy in Jesus was remarkable. And my mom, Becky, had a calm demeanor of strength and faith. Her friendship with Jesus was visible.  Liz and I have spoken often of the impact these women have had on our lives and in our walks with Jesus.  They modeled the way for depth of Spirit and unwavering faith that we continue to cultivate, just as each of them did, to live in Christ through the Spirit by trusting in the sovereignty of God. We are eternally grateful for their faith in Jesus and the way they shared this faith so beautifully with us.

I Don't Want To

Do you ever have times where you think to yourself, "I just really don't want to do that." And it maybe even comes out in a whiny voice in your head.  Yeah, I have those moments. It never fails that somehow I know that God is saying, "I know you don't want to, but do."  Inevitably when I do, there is so much more gain than I would have thought.  Of course, I have to go at it with an attitude adjustment.  I'm reminded that life's not always, or ever, about me.  It's about how God chooses to use me.  So my attitude is one of, "God, what are we going to do with this situation?" It makes the situation more bearable, yes, but ultimately, it makes the situation valuable. God is always at work in, around, and through me, even when I don't necessarily want Him to be. ;-)

Get To Higher Ground

I'll tell you what, God has really been growing my faith lately. There have been so many instances that I have had to stand back and go, "Now, wait a minute."  I'm watching each and every step I take very closely and noticing which doors are opening and which ones are closing.  It seems as though God is prolonging something. I don't know yet what that something is, but it's interesting how He has infiltrated multiple aspects of life with these faith builders.  I am looking for particular God movements, asking questions of my trusted mentors, and spending quiet time with Jesus to gain some perspective on what's happening.  I'm trying to get to "higher ground" so that I can look with Kingdom Eyes to get God's perspective of His work.  Meeting Him where He is and walking in faith...not as easy as you might think.