Time To Reflect

So it's summertime.  For me, this is a time of questioning my purpose.  While the time away from school is nice, and frankly, necessary, I begin to question why I do what I do.  I feel like God is very quiet during the summer.  During the year following Mom's passing, I experienced a similar quiet from God.  As I journeyed through that year, I understood that He was giving me time to mourn and process the entire experience we'd had as a family with Mom's battle.  I needed the time "off", so to speak.  I needed to be able to just be for a while in the comfort of what I knew and allow my soul to heal and grow.  I think the summer might be the same type of time "off".  God allows my spirit a time to just be with nothing new so I can process the "old".  It's good for me to take this time to reflect.  I have to remember that this is what the summer is for, reflection of the last year.  The new will come soon enough, and I'm not quite sure what that new will be this year.  I'm apprehensive about that, so I guess I'll bask in the reflection of last year. :-)

My Whole Self

Caring for oneself, in all aspects is highly valued to me.  I take care to spend time rejuvenating all aspects of life, emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental.  Sometimes I am better at this than others.  I'm finding, as I get into my vacation time, I had allowed myself to not make time for self care.  It has been detrimental.  I'm now having to backtrack and catch-up on my own care.  This summer has been a good reminder to me to care for my whole self.  It's not a big ah-ha, but I believe it is something we overlook in our culture.  We care for others, putting them first and eventually we are too worn out to be good for anyone.  We become bitter and tired.  Not becoming.  Taking time to care for yourself is not selfish, it's necessary.

Life's Not What I Thought It'd Be

Today I was faced with the scripture "do not conform to the patterns of this world" as I browsed through my Facebook feed.  Some days Facebook can make me feel awesome.  Other days, not so much.  Comparison is the worst part of social media.  It provides us ample opportunity to look at others with worldly eyes.  We begin to wish we had what others have or we think our lives should be like someone else we see, a video they shared or a picture they posted.  In reality, we are beloved by the Father exactly the way we are.  And we are living the best life right now.  When I think of how differently my path could have been and where I could be right now, or even where I thought I would be right now, I am struck by the major differences that would have played out.  I would have done my life so differently and I think about how much I would have missed out on had life been done my way.  So what's the take away?  The take away is that God truly knows what is best for me.  He has been planning my existence since the beginning.  He knows what life will give me the most joy and I'm living it.  I'm going to put a link below to a post from two years ago about the difference between joy and happiness, just to make my point clear here.  I don't mean I'm happy every single moment of every day, but there is deep joy in this life that God has called me to.  And nothing can take that away.

Here's the link to read about joy vs. happiness, posted the day before Mom went into hospice.  I'm surprised by my own writing on this one. ;-) Go, God!
What Joy! May 18, 2014

Set Free!

"Christ has set you free" is one of my favorite Biblical truths.  This truth is something that when it hit me, and I could fully stand in the grace of God, the freedom I felt was life-changing.  I recognized that God didn't care nearly as much about my performance as I did.  He was more interested in my heart and its transformation.  This is not a truth I had fully grasped for a long time, and I'm not sure that I fully grasp it now.  However, the life-giving Spirit that flows within me, now that I am able to be in Christ, is so much more that I ever thought Christianity could be.  Freedom in Christ isn't something to be handled lightly, nor is it something to be grasped in an instant.  It takes a lifetime of trusting the One who can do something about my condition and recognizing that my performance is not the focus, but rather my heart.  And changing the heart changes the performance.  Thanks be to God who has given us such a gift in Jesus!

Selfish Motives

Why is it that I'm always requesting something of God?  Lately, when I start into some new journey or take a different path with God, I find myself hoping that I get something out of it.  My own selfishness kind of slaps me in the face.  I don't seem to do anything with the simple intention of being with Jesus.  I want something more to occur.  I realize there can be a health in that, always recognizing one's need to grow and change and not having arrived at perfection, but for some reason today I feel as though my motives are only selfish.  I am trying to gain wisdom or perspective or clarity.  All are good, but my intentions are not.  I want to be in the know.  It's reminding me that I would have eaten the fruit, just as Eve did.  I have a sin nature that is not completely transformed yet.  So, now what?  I'm turning this selfishness over to Jesus.  I am simply going to spend time with Him, just to be with Him.  Nothing in mind.  Nothing to aim for.  Not expecting anything.  Just time with Jesus.  He can do something about my sin nature and get me back on the path of righteousness.

Author and Perfecter

Father, I thank you for the time to get back into a groove with you.  I thank you that you speak in the silence and refill my spirit.  I'm grateful for the way you orchestrate particular moments in time to occur at a specific moment in time, and that these moments are exactly what my soul needs.  You are the author and perfecter of my faith and I am glad you take care of the details with such concern.  You are merciful and loving.  Thank you. Amen.

Exhausted and Rejuvenated

As someone who is not a fan of being around people and spending time with many people at a time, I find myself refreshed from a week at Senior High Camp with our youth group kids.  What have I brought home?  I see the importance of others in our lives.  I see the impact of positive words.  I see the relief in a common experience.  I see the hope in what's ahead.  I don't know that the students realize how large of an impact they have on me, but they do.  I am exhausted with a rejuvenated spirit.  Investing in others while intentionally spending time with God is powerful.