Prayer of Silence

Father, today's prayer is one of silence.  Here is your servant.  I'm listening.

Life Giving Time

Sometimes I allow myself to give of my time, energy, and emotion to a point that I am no longer able to give, but keep trying to dole out to those in need. I am amazed at how I don't realize how drained I am sometimes.  I forget to stop and take the time to allow God to refill my spirit. I spend a little time with my family and I notice my life meter jumps. I don't always recognize how far I have been drained until I spend time with people who refill me.  For me, it really is only my family that does this.  I spend time with them and realize how energized and joyful I feel.  What I find interesting about this is that I have spent time alone with God to refill, and that is needed.  However, God has put very specific people in my life to walk alongside and care for me when I don't even realize I need caring for.  Family is a beautiful gift.  I do not take my family, or the time I have with them, for granted.  I realize that not everyone has this, but I do know that God brings people into our lives to be those caregivers for each and every one of us.  Who is your life giving caregiver that God has given to you?

Rollercoaster

I wish I was not so easily discouraged or distracted.  It seems that these days it takes such a small thing to put me into a bummed out funk.  I have been asking God to give me eyes that see the bigger picture and understand where He is taking me on this journey.  Some days I am fine with not knowing  then other days I am frustrated, and yet other days it makes me sad.  I would not call myself a rollercoaster of emotions on a regular basis.  Normally, I am quite even keeled.  So, now I'm asking myself, what about this situation is causing the rollercoaster?  Why can't I seem to let it go and just wait for God's move?  That's the prayer, Lord, give me your patience to wait upon your good work.

The Calm After the Storm

This is one of those days where my mind is empty.  I am able just sit and reflect on the work God is doing.  There is nothing fantastic, nothing terrible, just a status quo. I am learning to just be still and know that God is God and I am not.  In the stillness I can listen more carefully to His voice or just rest in His peace.  That is what today is, the calm after the storm, resting in the peace and quiet that can only come through the Spirit.

Depth of Soul

Job 42:5 My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.

When contemplating my own depth of soul, I look to the story of Job.  Job who had everything, had everything stripped away, had moron friends for counsel, then experienced God in a mighty way and was restored.  Job was able to lose everything externally and internally, minus the love of God, and still held fast to his Creator.  His circumstance did not affect his life with God.  Oh, to be that connected to God that I could walk all roads and know that I was going to come out unscathed.  I hope that is where my soul is in Jesus, but I have not had to go through much horror to know for sure.  I learned so much during my mom's battle with pancreatic cancer and experienced God in ways I could never describe.  Her example of what it looks like to walk with Jesus for a lifetime and experience inner peace that passes all understanding even unto death is engrained in my heart.  I hope that those moments of grace are what I will cling to and relive when circumstances arise, and I am called to focus solely on Jesus so I can grow deeper with him.  There is nothing like being in the presence of the Holy One, and Job knew it.

Honest Words

I have been drawn to the Psalms lately.  I am encouraged by the honest words of its writers.  I think I forget how real the people in the Bible were.  I forget that their lives were difficult, and frankly, probably a lot more difficult than mine, just based on the culture in which they were living.  The Bible tells us who God is and how He is in relationship with us.  The words of the psalmist in 142 (David) are honest and valid.  Crying aloud to God for mercy and help from those who are against him.  I have no idea what that must have felt like for David, but I do know what it feels like in my own life.  Sometimes I'm my worst enemy and need the reminder to extend grace to myself as I work through the journey.  God is faithful.  He is our refuge.  He is our ever-present help, even when we aren't able to recognize Him.  I needed that reminder today.  It is God's mercy that allows me to walk this journey and it is His grace that transforms my heart.  He can handle my honest words and use them to build a beautiful relationship between Him and me.

Relinquish Control

I'm such a figurer (I know it's not a word) and a planner.  I can't stop figuring out things with our budget or working through what the next steps in a specific journey need to be in order to get from point A to point B.  I am definitely strategic.  This comes in handy when you have a vision to implement or need to help people make little steps to get to the big picture.  However, in trusting God, it is horrendous.  I find myself taking back the responsibility for planning when I had given it to Him only a month or so ago.  Really?  Do I love control that much?  Oh, I use the word responsibility most of the time to describe it because it softens the blow, but really it is all about control.  And God has had to allow me to get so deep in my own mess so that the only option I have is to say, "God, you take it.  I can't do it."  How I wish I could be that person who just hands everything over to God without a struggle, but I'm not.  I disappoint myself. Thankfully God is never disappointed in me.  He loves me through the struggle.  What a relief!  So, Lord, you can have it back.  Change my heart to relinquish control to you and leave it in your hands.