A Clean Heart

Father, create in me a clean heart.  Make my mind holy.  Transform my thoughts and my heart that I may see others the way you see them.  Give me the compassion of Christ.  Walk with me always and guide my steps. Amen.

The Self-Help Lie

Why are we so easily sucked in by self-help and motivational ideas?  Don't get me wrong, you can do a lot to make yourself better and to think more positive, etc.  I'm all for being positive and optimistic.  However, the trap we fall into is looking to ourselves to become the person we think God wants us to be. The truth is God created me (and you). He knows exactly what His creation was intended to be, and only He knows that. It's cute that I (you) think I (you) know what God intended for me (you) to be, but really I (you) have no clue. I'm (You're) not the Creator. This is why it is imperative that we let God do the changing in us. He knows what needs to be done in our hearts to make us that holy creation He intended. All of the self-help and motivation in the world can't even begin to come close to transforming our hearts the way God can. We have to turn our hearts over to Him. Now, I'm not saying to not care for yourself or try to get better at something. I'm saying that if you're making changes to your life to give your life meaning or deep joy, you will not gain it that way. You will only have true joy when you allow God to work on transforming your heart.

Time With Friends

Some days your time with Jesus is time with friends. That's today. Spend time with people you love and watch for Jesus' work. It's always good!

The Next Waiting Moment

I feel like I spend a lot of my time waiting. I'm learning how to do that better.  It's not that I'm not doing things because I am waiting for some kind of sign. It's that I can see God is on the move and He has proven Himself faithful so I'm awaiting His next move. As I said earlier this week, when I have these moments of waiting, I'm trying to make it about God's faithfulness and not my patience. God has definitely been molding my heart in this for a while now and I didn't even know it. That's my favorite kind of transformation, when God makes the change right under my nose and I'm clueless about it until much later. So now to the next waiting moment, watching God move, using His faithfulness as my hope to make this time about Him and not about me. It's gonna be a good time!

Take the Time

I'm in processing mode.  I don't have clear thoughts just yet, but they're coming.  It's important to take the time, and make the time, to listen carefully and observe all that God is doing when something unexpected takes place.  When I've got an idea of what God is up to, but then things start to collapse around it and I realize it's not quite what I thought, I have to spend time with God to get back on His path and see where He is leading.  Again, meeting God where He is instead of expecting Him to come to me just takes time.

Unfavorable News

When you get unfavorable news, what's your go to response?  Mine is anger/sadness. I don't shy away from my thoughts or feelings, I go after them. God and I have good discussion about the topic and I find I could have been one of the writers of a Psalm. After about six hours of processing through the emotions, I come out on the other side ready to see what God is really doing. I am able to recognize, much quicker now than before, that God has a plan that has nothing to do with me. As I've gotten older and this pattern of unfavorable news has seemed to emerge, I'm finding that my disappointment isn't lasting. My hope is in the One I've gone to for so long, because I saw my parents going to Him. God knows what He's doing and I must let Him do His thing. He has not disappointed me, only people have. The plan I cannot see is far great than the plan I had, that much I know. God knows and that's all I need to know. As I grow deeper with Jesus, I have more questions, but I care less about the answers.  That's a peace that passes all understanding.

God Is Faithful

I'm being challenged by a new way to look at waiting.  It doesn't feel like an exercise of patience, particularly since you don't really practice patience, it's fruit of the Spirit.  Anyway, I'm seeing the waiting as more like a way to reflect on my faith.  I'm taking the time to think of all of the times God has been faithful.  There are so many of them, and thinking back on those times when God was faithful, even though He was seemed slow, has given me a new perspective on this time.  Instead of having patience, I'm using this as a faith journey reflection.  I'm loving this new perspective.  When I feel impatient, I think on a time God was faithful.  When I feel anxious, I think on a time when God was faithful.  When I feel hopeless, I think on a time when God was faithful.  Reflecting on faith renews my hope.

Prayer of Presence

May the Lord rest with you.  May His face be ever in your mind.  May you feel His presence in the darkest of moments.  May His light shine into your heart and fill your soul with His goodness. Amen

No More Fluff

I make time to do all sorts of things with my day.  I'm taking stock of all that I do and checking it against the lasting things that will actually matter at the end of life. There are a few things I will be removing and there are a few things I will be adding. Summer is a great time for reflection for me and this is the proof.  There are moments where I find myself doing things or having conversations that are completely pointless or shallow.  I'm kind of done with that.  I want to have a life of depth and purpose. And when others meet me or spend time with me, I want them to see/feel something different.  My goal is to make sure that all I'm doing is something worthy of my time and energy. Why waste time on fluff? That's not who I am.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

On these long hot days, it's simple for me to sit with Jesus. I spend my time visualizing myself at His feet at the throne of Grace.  When my mind wanders, as it so often does, I just say His name over and over...Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.  It has been a beautiful re-centering for me, especially when I'm feeling anxious about that thing I'm waiting for. ;-)

Fill In the Gap

Ah, the ebb and flow of a journey with Jesus. One day I'm great with everything being in God's hands and then the next day I am scared and frustrated. Patience is something I have with children, but I struggle with it pretty much everywhere else.  Part of the issue is that I let myself fill in the gaps and reasons as to why something may be taking a long time.  And, unfortunately, I fill in those gaps with awful, horrible things.  I never fill in the gap with a good, positive thing.  It's never that God is working out a small detail, or the person is looking into a possible option for me.  It's that they've already made their decision and I'm not a part of it.  I'm always the one getting screwed when I fill in the gaps.  You'd think I'd learn over the years how to just let it go and let God.  Great saying, right? But that is just not something I do well.  I have to constantly be reminded by God that He's got it and that He will work out the best for me, whatever that may be. And my heart knows it will be best and it knows He will carry me through if the outcome is difficult, but I like to be in the know with my brain and waiting is not being in the know.  So, today I will calm my brain and just focus on Jesus.  When I want to fill in the gaps, I'll fill them in with Jesus.  That should do. ;-)

Backwards Hope

God has recently prompted me to write down all of the ways we saw Him moving and working during the filming process of Dalton's movie.  I've started this document.  I knew at the time how much God was orchestrating, but as I wrote it all down, even I was surprised by how much His hand was in this project.  This project has been confirmation of the fact that we were supposed to make this film.  It is confirmation that God has a plan for us and is in the process of working it all out.  Sometimes I forget or think that God has forgotten.  It is good for me to sit down and remember back to all of the ways God has shown Himself and His will.  I need to start looking forward with a backwards hope, knowing God has us in the palm of His hand as He has all of the time before.  We can be confident because we have seen what God has done.  Not that it was all easy, jeepers, don't think that.  But it was all good and continues to be so.

In Wisdom

Proverbs 4:12 When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble.

Solomon speaks of wisdom in chapter 4.  He is referring to those who hold wisdom close and remember their learning.  I have often heard these verses in reference to the Christian life, but that is far from truth.  These verses reference walking with God in wisdom.  Living life out of wisdom allows you to shine light in dark places.  You can see what others cannot.  Your viewpoint is such that few things cause you confusion or worry.  Solomon is referring to the learning that we all gain as we journey with Jesus.  We have moments along the way where the light is shone on a particular thing at a particular time and Solomon is saying, hold on to that and don't lose it.  If only we could grasp wisdom as we do knowledge or relationships, for example.  Those things actually seem to hamper and cause us to stumble, and we just grasp them tighter when they cause us to fall.  Alas, the human condition, so broken.  Gain the wisdom being given and hold on to it.

Not Blissfully Hopeful

I'm typically a fan of anticipation. However, when it comes to waiting for what God's working on, I'm a mess.  I haven't learned how to enjoy the journey of waiting with God.  I know there is value in it.  I know there has to be more than what I'm getting, but I just find it horrifying.  I speculate and fill in what I hope happens, and then I worry that what I hope happens won't.  It's just a conundrum.  This time I'm trying to see the waiting as the exhilarating anticipation of Christmas. However, it feels like there is one giant present under the tree, and my fear is that it is a lump of coal. On a side note, I did receive a rock one year.  Just a rock, nothing else in the box.  Mom and Dad forgot to throw the cash in before wrapping it. Haha! Anyway, why is it that I have such a hard time believing that what's in this giant present is something good?  Well, my past experience with these "giant presents" is that they hold heartache. The good thing I was hoping for was not at all what happened, and in reality it was the opposite. This dread is deep-seeded in me.  I've had these types of situations multiple times since I was 16.  I've always grown in Christ from them, but they have been hard.  I'm hoping this giant present doesn't hold heartache.  I'm more prepared for the disappointment rather than being blissfully hopeful, and I'm bummed by that.

All of My Days

Father, thank you for time to sit in quiet with you.  Thank you for giving us the family time to be together, and that we actually enjoy each other.  Thank you for who you are and how you care for me.  Father, I pray specifically that you would prepare my heart and mind for the quick journey ahead.  May my spirit rest in you, knowing that you have full control and full knowledge of all.  You go ahead of me and you walk beside me.  Help me to remember this all of my days.  Amen.

Overjoyed and Scared

Oh goodness!  Today, I find myself all in a tizzy and not able to focus to accomplish a seemingly simple task.  I am overjoyed with the possibilities God has placed in front of me and yet scared of what the outcome might be.  These are the moments that I have to stop myself right where I am and think about what I know.  Satan loves to come in and fill my head with lies and deceit to keep me frozen and not moving.  When I pause and let the Spirit fill my head with truth, I am able to take small steps toward the new horizon.  There is so much going on in my mind and my heart aches with the hope of what could be.  This is one of those times when I hope that I have been in tune with God, that I am one with Him in mind and spirit, and His will has become my will.  If you're having a moment of excitement coupled with apprehension, I pray that you will be able to stop and let the Spirit fill you with truth about who He is and who you are in Him.  Blessings!

"Jesus Knows What To Do"

Life can take interesting turns.  I've found in my world that if I accept what I'm not super thrilled about and move ahead while expecting God to move, things start happening.  Whether I see Him in the thing I wasn't super thrilled about or He moves me to something completely new unexpectedly, I am always amazed by how simply staying on the journey with Jesus proves to be fruitful every time. I shouldn't be surprised, but I guess I am.  I want to believe that I know where and how God moves, and I do think I have a pretty good sense of that after being in relationship with Him for 30+ years and watching my parents do life with Him for even longer than that, but I by no means have God figured out.  That's the beauty of walking with Jesus.  He is always in control and He knows exactly what to do and when to do it...every time.  "Jesus knows what to do." -Becky Teel  The woman knew Him well. :-)

Beloved

A couple of years ago at camp, Jesus reminded me that I am His beloved.  I have been continuing to focus on that fact since then, but I easily fall into a trap of negative self talk.  I get frustrated with myself or disappointed with something I've said or done.  Jesus reminds me that I am His beloved and that he is continually working in me to complete the good work He has started.  I am beyond grateful that it is the Spirit's job to change my heart and make me into the creation God intended.  I have to remember that Jesus' love is unconditional and He sees me as His beloved yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  I needed that reminder today.

Celebrate In the Sorrow

So to continue my thought from yesterday, learning to celebrate in the sadness.  This is something that I experienced during Mom's battle and in her passing.  God provided a specific type of grace that allowed our family the gift of celebrating in the sorrow.  We often said during that time (and since), "You can't steal our joy!"  We mean that.  There is something that comes from the Spirit that can only be described as something from God.  Yes, joy is fruit of the Spirit, so that makes some sense.  There is something incredible about experiencing this in its fullness.  Celebration that comes from sorrow is a deep joy that is peaceful and exuberant all at the same time.  There is an indescribable life-filling depth that overflows from the Spirit in those moments of great sorrow.  It is what I have hoped for everyone since Mom passed away.  I received this gift during that time and it has remained with me since.

Celebrate While the Gettin's Good

Let's see, what to write today? I guess I would say, when life is good, celebrate.  There are so many good things happening in the world and we often get distracted by all of the bad.  Sometimes we even feel guilty that we are having a great day when others are struggling.  Here's the deal.  Everyone will have pain and suffering at some point in this life.  The world is broken.  So when it's your time to have beautiful, wonderful, happy moments, enjoy them to the fullest.  There is so much to celebrate and it's good to even out all of the sorrow we feel.  Truly, if you can find a way to celebrate the sorrow too, ah, that is the true victory in Jesus.  This is something God has given me opportunities to practice, celebrating the sorrow, and, honestly, I've found there to be almost more joy in those celebrations than in the good days.  It's kind of crazy.  Maybe more on that later.

Quality Time

Today I need to take the time to sit with Jesus.  Sometimes you just need quality time with your Savior, and that's what I need today.

Prayer

Father, I pray for sad, for the mourning, for the broken-hearted.  There is so much pain for people and they try to bear it on their own.  Lord, remind them of your mercy and how much you love them.  Bring peace in the storm and joy in the sadness.  Reveal yourself to the hurting. Amen.

A Change of Heart

I'm sad that we can't seem to figure out what the deal is with our actions.  We educate people.  We make things public.  We have access to truth, and lies.  We have people who speak their minds. We have justice. We have detectives.  We have prisons.  We have death penalties.  We have checks and balances.  We have laws. Yet we can't seem to stop any of the bad that happens.  What's up with that? Isn't there a law, or several, that can fix our problems.  The answer is no.  (step on soapbox) The real issue isn't a social one.  The real issue is a spiritual one.  We need changed HEARTS in our world, not changed minds or even actions.  We make everything a social issue that we think can be fixed by a new law or a new philosophy, when in actuality it's a heart issue.  Hearts can only be changed by God through Jesus Christ.  Even the law that God gave Moses did not change the hearts of the people and those were laws from God!  (Romans 8:3 "For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering." Open your Bible and read on. Paul wrote inspired to be sure!)  Why in the world would we expect laws made by people to change hearts?  We are just that disillusioned and Satan loves it.  Get to the real issue.  We need a heart change and we need God to do it.  (step down from soapbox)

Time To Reflect

So it's summertime.  For me, this is a time of questioning my purpose.  While the time away from school is nice, and frankly, necessary, I begin to question why I do what I do.  I feel like God is very quiet during the summer.  During the year following Mom's passing, I experienced a similar quiet from God.  As I journeyed through that year, I understood that He was giving me time to mourn and process the entire experience we'd had as a family with Mom's battle.  I needed the time "off", so to speak.  I needed to be able to just be for a while in the comfort of what I knew and allow my soul to heal and grow.  I think the summer might be the same type of time "off".  God allows my spirit a time to just be with nothing new so I can process the "old".  It's good for me to take this time to reflect.  I have to remember that this is what the summer is for, reflection of the last year.  The new will come soon enough, and I'm not quite sure what that new will be this year.  I'm apprehensive about that, so I guess I'll bask in the reflection of last year. :-)

My Whole Self

Caring for oneself, in all aspects is highly valued to me.  I take care to spend time rejuvenating all aspects of life, emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental.  Sometimes I am better at this than others.  I'm finding, as I get into my vacation time, I had allowed myself to not make time for self care.  It has been detrimental.  I'm now having to backtrack and catch-up on my own care.  This summer has been a good reminder to me to care for my whole self.  It's not a big ah-ha, but I believe it is something we overlook in our culture.  We care for others, putting them first and eventually we are too worn out to be good for anyone.  We become bitter and tired.  Not becoming.  Taking time to care for yourself is not selfish, it's necessary.

Life's Not What I Thought It'd Be

Today I was faced with the scripture "do not conform to the patterns of this world" as I browsed through my Facebook feed.  Some days Facebook can make me feel awesome.  Other days, not so much.  Comparison is the worst part of social media.  It provides us ample opportunity to look at others with worldly eyes.  We begin to wish we had what others have or we think our lives should be like someone else we see, a video they shared or a picture they posted.  In reality, we are beloved by the Father exactly the way we are.  And we are living the best life right now.  When I think of how differently my path could have been and where I could be right now, or even where I thought I would be right now, I am struck by the major differences that would have played out.  I would have done my life so differently and I think about how much I would have missed out on had life been done my way.  So what's the take away?  The take away is that God truly knows what is best for me.  He has been planning my existence since the beginning.  He knows what life will give me the most joy and I'm living it.  I'm going to put a link below to a post from two years ago about the difference between joy and happiness, just to make my point clear here.  I don't mean I'm happy every single moment of every day, but there is deep joy in this life that God has called me to.  And nothing can take that away.

Here's the link to read about joy vs. happiness, posted the day before Mom went into hospice.  I'm surprised by my own writing on this one. ;-) Go, God!
What Joy! May 18, 2014

Set Free!

"Christ has set you free" is one of my favorite Biblical truths.  This truth is something that when it hit me, and I could fully stand in the grace of God, the freedom I felt was life-changing.  I recognized that God didn't care nearly as much about my performance as I did.  He was more interested in my heart and its transformation.  This is not a truth I had fully grasped for a long time, and I'm not sure that I fully grasp it now.  However, the life-giving Spirit that flows within me, now that I am able to be in Christ, is so much more that I ever thought Christianity could be.  Freedom in Christ isn't something to be handled lightly, nor is it something to be grasped in an instant.  It takes a lifetime of trusting the One who can do something about my condition and recognizing that my performance is not the focus, but rather my heart.  And changing the heart changes the performance.  Thanks be to God who has given us such a gift in Jesus!

Selfish Motives

Why is it that I'm always requesting something of God?  Lately, when I start into some new journey or take a different path with God, I find myself hoping that I get something out of it.  My own selfishness kind of slaps me in the face.  I don't seem to do anything with the simple intention of being with Jesus.  I want something more to occur.  I realize there can be a health in that, always recognizing one's need to grow and change and not having arrived at perfection, but for some reason today I feel as though my motives are only selfish.  I am trying to gain wisdom or perspective or clarity.  All are good, but my intentions are not.  I want to be in the know.  It's reminding me that I would have eaten the fruit, just as Eve did.  I have a sin nature that is not completely transformed yet.  So, now what?  I'm turning this selfishness over to Jesus.  I am simply going to spend time with Him, just to be with Him.  Nothing in mind.  Nothing to aim for.  Not expecting anything.  Just time with Jesus.  He can do something about my sin nature and get me back on the path of righteousness.

Author and Perfecter

Father, I thank you for the time to get back into a groove with you.  I thank you that you speak in the silence and refill my spirit.  I'm grateful for the way you orchestrate particular moments in time to occur at a specific moment in time, and that these moments are exactly what my soul needs.  You are the author and perfecter of my faith and I am glad you take care of the details with such concern.  You are merciful and loving.  Thank you. Amen.

Exhausted and Rejuvenated

As someone who is not a fan of being around people and spending time with many people at a time, I find myself refreshed from a week at Senior High Camp with our youth group kids.  What have I brought home?  I see the importance of others in our lives.  I see the impact of positive words.  I see the relief in a common experience.  I see the hope in what's ahead.  I don't know that the students realize how large of an impact they have on me, but they do.  I am exhausted with a rejuvenated spirit.  Investing in others while intentionally spending time with God is powerful.