Not Blissfully Hopeful

I'm typically a fan of anticipation. However, when it comes to waiting for what God's working on, I'm a mess.  I haven't learned how to enjoy the journey of waiting with God.  I know there is value in it.  I know there has to be more than what I'm getting, but I just find it horrifying.  I speculate and fill in what I hope happens, and then I worry that what I hope happens won't.  It's just a conundrum.  This time I'm trying to see the waiting as the exhilarating anticipation of Christmas. However, it feels like there is one giant present under the tree, and my fear is that it is a lump of coal. On a side note, I did receive a rock one year.  Just a rock, nothing else in the box.  Mom and Dad forgot to throw the cash in before wrapping it. Haha! Anyway, why is it that I have such a hard time believing that what's in this giant present is something good?  Well, my past experience with these "giant presents" is that they hold heartache. The good thing I was hoping for was not at all what happened, and in reality it was the opposite. This dread is deep-seeded in me.  I've had these types of situations multiple times since I was 16.  I've always grown in Christ from them, but they have been hard.  I'm hoping this giant present doesn't hold heartache.  I'm more prepared for the disappointment rather than being blissfully hopeful, and I'm bummed by that.