Thankful Heart

Father God, I am so very thankful for the family you have given me.  For the love they show and the care they have for one another.  Lord, I am grateful for their giving of time and energy to do for each other.  We are blessed beyond belief and have not earned any of this.  Thank you for who each of them are and who you've made them to be.  Your grateful servant, Amen.

The Call

Liz once asked me why I married Dalton.  Her question was very genuine.  My response?  God called me to marry him.  (She said Mom had answered the same way about Dad.)  So often people say they marry for love.  The problem with this is that human love is fickle.  Do I love Dalton? Of course, but that is not the reason I married him.  God brought the two of us together for a very specific purpose.  We each have our individual calling from God, but we also have a calling that takes the two of us together.  Our calling as a couple was something we prayed about and identified before we got married.  My calling to marry Dalton is something I thank God for and ask for His continued guidance and presence along the way.  There are days when the road is rough and we have to lean on Him to get through.  There are other days that are crazy good and we are praising Him for His mercy.  Is our marriage perfect? No. Are we always happy? Nope. Is it hard sometimes? Yes.  But we are called to love one another, and God's grace makes that possible.  We are imperfect people called together by the Holy One, and nothing can separate us, because we are in Christ Jesus, our Lord.

I Feel for You

Empathy is such a frustration in my world. Yes, I just said that.  I wish I had sympathy instead, most of the time.  But no, I have empathy, which means I literally feel what someone else is feeling.  Not just that I can relate to it, no, I actually feel it. My own emotions can be very difficult to decipher sometimes because it's confusing.  I will feel sad and try to figure out what's making me sad, when in actuality, nothing has made me sad, but rather someone I love is sad about something and I'm feeling it for him/her.  So, how does God make empathy a positive attribute of my life?  Well, I believe this gift is why I am able to walk alongside another and help carry the burden.  I can relate on a spiritual level and not just an emotional level.  This is good and bad.  It can be very draining.  This is when I experience the introverted part of my ambivert (look it up ;-D) self.  I love people.  Sharing their load helps them, while it drains me.  I make sure to have enough God time to refill, since it is Him in me who carries the burden anyway.  If this is something you experience, I encourage you to make time with God on a regular basis to refill and remind yourself that He is the one who handles it all.  Cast all your cares upon Him. (That's in the Bible somewhere, but I have no idea where. hahaha!)

May Joy Abound

I feel like the last few days have been kind of Debbie Downers.  So, today I just need to do some praising of God.  It is easy to get bogged down in the daily humdrum of life.  I am generally a very positive person, overall, so I don't usually have issues with this.  Lately, however, I have had several situations pop up that seemed to snowball into an entire snowman, and it's not the nice Frosty the Snowman, it's the Abominable Snowman.  So today, I'm going to shine some Sonlight (see what I did there (-;) on this frozen jerk. These are days when I just sit and read the Psalms, searching for words of praise and adoration, reminding me of who I know God to be.  He is on my side and working for my good.  His love is what endures through the trials.  May joy abound for you today as you remember who God is and what He has done.

Psalm 126:3 The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.

The Spirit's Work

So, one minute all seems to be going just fine and then the next moment things take a downward turn.  There's no warning.  There's no reason.  There's no nothing.  You're just there, in that moment.  What do you do in that moment?  How do you handle it?  I would like to say that I handled it well, but I'll be honest, I didn't.  My German Irish heritage came flying out and that quick, hot temper was visible.  What's so interesting to me is that I don't have that very often anymore.  The Spirit has done a large work in my heart and these times just don't happen too much.  So, when they do happen, it stops me in my tracks.  I start asking all sorts of questions.  What's the big deal?  What is the real issue here?  Why are you so angry about this thing?  What is Satan trying to divert my attention from?  Unfortunately, it tends to be the last question that is the real one I need to try to answer.  The hard part is that sometimes there isn't an instant answer. Even so, I don't want to allow Satan any kind of a foothold in any part of my life, so letting go of the anger becomes the most urgent task at hand.  Of course, it takes God's help to make that happen.  That's the part of the journey I'm on today, allowing God to remove the anger and handle the justice on His terms.

Inadequacy

Just reading a little of the Gideon story today and thinking about how God reduced Gideon's army so that God could get the glory rather than Israel taking the credit.  This is such a good reminder for me. Most of the time, when I think about doing something new, I assess my own ability to perform the task.  I pray about it, but my trust in God to do His part is a bit week.  If I feel inadequate, I tend to shy away and not want to jump in.  Today, I am reminded that my inadequacy is the perfect place for God to truly work and receive glory.  Not that this means I shouldn't do the best possible work I can do, but that I should not walk away from something that seems to be out of my comfort zone.  In my comfort zone, I am very capable of accomplishing the call.  It is outside the comfort zone that God is capable of accomplishing His call through me.  Oh, what trust that takes!

God's Story

Liz and I spoke today about how our lives are a small snippet of God's story. (Her learning from a book called Crazy Love.)  I've known that stories in the Bible are not about the person in the story; they are telling us who God is and what He is about.  Today I made the connection that our stories are the same.  With that new perspective in mind, it has thrown me for a loop as to how to pray about the future.  I've already been struggling to know what I want.  I don't know what I'm hoping for or what God is up to in my life.  Now the struggle is to discern how God wants to use me to tell His story.  It's not about me at all.  In this very moment I feel as though I am open to anything God may be doing, but I just keep looking up and trying to find it.  I know what I have a passion for, but I am not sure He is calling me to do that.  I'm waiting, watching, and listening.  What part will I play in God's story?

Prayer of Thanks

Father God, I thank for a beautiful day; for the time to relax and rejuvenate through time alone with you.  You know all of my needs before I speak them and you give me the words I need at the moment I need them.  Thank you for the way you are involved in my life; that your Spirit goes ahead of me to prepare the way.  Keep the eyes of my heart open to see your work in this broken world. I love you, Lord.  Amen.

Brothers and Sisters in Christ

Attack is so ugly and disturbing.  It amazes me how quickly Satan can rear his ugly head.  One minute everything is going just fine and the next you feel like you are carrying a weight the size of Texas on your shoulders.  I have learned to recognize this quickly, but it doesn't stop the attack, unfortunately.  This is the time when having brothers and sisters in Christ is crucial.  I immediately text my inner circle and ask for prayer by calling out the attack, so Satan can't get a deep foothold.  I am amazed, which I feel a little ridiculous about because I should expect it, at how quickly I begin to feel the weight lifted.  I may still have struggle and feel a bit of pressure, but the heaviness leaves and peace begins to take over.  God calls us to be part of the body and this is one of the major benefits.  We care for each other and hold each other when life seems to overcome us.  I pray that each of you has that someone or many someones in your life that you are connected to spiritually who can come to your aid, in times of attack and in times of great need.

Trust

My word for this year is trust.  God has been challenging me with this and moving me in the direction of fully trusting in him.  For many years, I thought that I trusted God fully with everything.  Oh, how wrong we can be about our own selves.  We get so acquainted with our own thoughts that we slowly begin to think they must be from God because they are just part of who we are.  However, this could not be farther from the truth.  Some new situation comes about and I find myself in panic mode.  How  is this happening?  I thought I trusted God with everything! Slowly but surely, the Spirit begins to speak words of life into my distressed soul.  I find that Jesus keeps whispering in the background "trust me" as I walk through the valley.  The Spirit guides my thoughts and prayers, leading me to a deeper understanding of trust, or the lack there of, and helping me to release the situation into the capable hands of the Father.  Trusting God to be there when we fall, not keep us from falling, is one of the hardest lessons to learn.  Trusting that He will heal all of the wounds from our moments of disappointment is just not that easy.  I look for opportunities to build this trust little by little, but there are times when God gives me a big opportunity and asks, "Do you trust me?"  My response is a deep breath and a humble, "Yes, Lord."

Psalm 9:10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Strengthening My Relationship

Relationships have been a focus of mine this year. (I'm referencing the school year here.) I have been watching carefully and learning the intricacies of individual relationships and the impact they have.  Something I have come to know over the past few months is that in everything I do, and I literally mean everything, I am either building up the relationship or tearing it down.  My newest endeavor is building up a relationship in the difficult moments.  When I deal with hard situations, I am cognizant about my word choice, my body language, and my facial expressions.  This can be tricky for me because I am so animated when I talk and listen.  I am reflecting after each situation to figure out the best way to build up the relationship rather than tear it down.  I have found that relationships can be a bit like building muscle in that, sometimes you do have to "tear" it a bit in order to build it back even stronger.  It is such a delicate balance though.  I have to listen more than I talk, that's for sure.  This is the case with my relationship with Jesus too. Everything I do is either strengthening my relationship with Him or tearing it down. There is no staying the same, and I don't want there to be.  It takes time and effort, just like any other relationship.

Take Care

Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

There are days when the only way for me to find calm in the calamity is to stop and take in the beauty of nature.  Today I spent time watching the snow fall.  It was beautiful.  Amidst the turmoil that was brewing, the gently falling snow was a reminder to slow the pace and just "be".  I often get caught up in the race of the day.  Going from one place to the next in a major rush in order to accomplish all of my tasks or solve all of the problems arising.  I need moments like watching today's snow to help me remember that sometimes, simply my presence is all someone really needs and maybe even wants.  I get so wrapped up in achieving goals and crossing off the to-do list that I forget the most important part, the people.  It's just a good reminder to take care of the people in your life.  I don't just mean family, I mean work "family" and church "family" and so on.  Spend time.  Take time.  Make time...for others. That's my own reminder.  Let's take care of each other.

Just Jesus

I'm physically tired today.  It is of my own doing, but, none the less, I'm tired.  When I'm tired, I find it hard to focus on anything.  My mind tends to just stop and not really think about anything.  In spending time with God on days like today, I find that the best thing to do is just sit with Him.  I focus only on speaking/thinking one word, Jesus.  I sit with no sound going anywhere, TV off, radio off, computer closed, and just meditate on the one who loves me completely and unconditionally.  I spend about 10 minutes with my eyes closed just bringing my mind back to Jesus.  I have found that this technique is so invigorating.  When I finish and open my eyes, my spirit and body feel renewed.  I can't really describe it.  Some days it's hard to listen for God or read the Bible and discern its wisdom.  Sometimes we are just meant to sit in the presence of Jesus and let him renew our spirit with only himself.  No fancy words, no fancy prayers, no fancy reading or videos, just Jesus.  It's an incredible experience.

Looking Up

Today's thought is all about waiting.  I feel like I spend a lot of my time playing the waiting game.  This time though, the waiting is all about the excitement and anticipation of what is ahead.  I'm allowing God to keep my focus on the expectation of what He is up to, rather than being caught in the muck of passing time.  This type of expectation is knowing that God is moving, not having an idea of what I think He is doing.  It keeps me from being disappointed when things don't go as I had planned.  Expectation of this kind helps me to keep my head up and watching for all of the different places that God is working out details of His plan.  I don't really know what any of them mean just yet, but He continues to give little gifts of hope in the midst of difficult discoveries.  It is a journey full of ups and downs, but walking with Jesus means there is hope even when you're in the valley...as long as you look up.  That's what I'm doing, looking up.

Simple Prayer

Jesus, may your will be done in my world today as I walk hand in hand with you. Amen

Prayer's Power

As I have been in the world of administration, I have found myself praying continually throughout the day during different situations.  Lord, give me the words.  Lord, be with me.  Lord, help me to calm this child. Lord, go ahead of me.  Lord, take over.  These quick little continual "on the run" prayers have helped remind me that I am completely inadequate to do the job to which I have been called.  They keep me humble.  However, what I have also noticed is that there is a necessity for elongated prayer that is spent in times of solitude with God.  These times are when I feel like I am rejuvenated and prepared for upcoming struggle and happiness.  The time with God that is spent when it is just him and me, together talking, are the moments when I am reconnecting with the One who knows me so well.  My prayers on the run are the ones that help me through the day and keep me focused on Him as the day unfolds.  Both types are helpful and both types are necessary.  I am learning this to be true each day as I spend planned time with my friend along with His help throughout the day.

Moments of Uncertainty

Discernment can be so elusive at times.  Most of the time it seems simple for me to discern God's movement and the actions He is calling me to take.  Then there are other times where I feel completely conflicted and cannot even begin to discern His will.  I spend much time in conversation with God and in conversation with trusted mentors, but in these moments of uncertainty, I am learning to consider a couple of different possibilities.  I believe that sometimes God gives us these moments on our journey as we grow with Him to show us that we can make decisions too.  When we seek God and walk with Him, our wants and desires become in tune with His and we can make decisions without having to be spoon fed the answer every time.  Another thought process to consider is that these moments may be times where God is saying, "I can do great good with either choice, so which one would you like, my child."  This allows us to use our free will for the glory of God.  I'm holding these things in my heart as I decide which step to take.  Lord, align my heart and soul to Your will through the Spirit.

Trust God's Timing

I received some news that made me sad and disappointed today.  I felt as though what I had hoped for was now not going to happen.  Then God brought the story of Lazarus into my path.  It was a great reminder of God's timing.  We often times give up on God before He has even begun.  We put our expectations in the forefront rather than seeking God first.  Then, when our expectations aren't met, we are left with our own hopelessness.  These are the moments where God is really at work, but if we take the side of the Jews in the Lazarus story, we find ourselves wanting to get rid of Jesus.  In leaving Jesus behind, we will miss the glory he is planning to show.  I was challenged with that today.  Did I walk away from Jesus today when I received the sad news and allow myself to go into a hopeless state?  A little bit, which disappoints me.  I was going to miss the glory!  But, as always, God was faithful.  He walked me into a youth group lesson that reminded me His timing is perfect.  I just need to trust.

Renewal of Passion

Something I have been asking God to do this year is renew my passion for my calling.  He has been faithful, yet again, and given me a new perspective and fervency for what it is that I do.  I have been very diligent in looking for where He has been moving and how He has been working each day.  This seeking has shown me how much God moves in a single day.  I get moments each day that I am fully aware of the presence of Christ in my workplace.  From hugs, to comments, to conversations, to glances, to awaited changes, all of these are what I get to see and recognize as little "notes from God".  This has given me a renewal of passion.  I know that for me, when I feel a lull in life, I forget to look for where God is doing something. (God is always doing something.)  It is just simpler in those down moments to focus on my feelings instead of focusing on where God is moving.  Yes, sometimes He moves in places we wish He wouldn't, but when we commit our life to His calling, rather than our own, we will find passion where we didn't have any before. Our desires will begin to align with His ,and we will take on a new life in Christ that is something far better than we could have ever imagined.  That's the path I'm starting to walk. What a journey!

Listen

James 1:19-20 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

I'm posting in the "old way" today. ;-)  My time with God today has been focused on this verse.  I have learned well in the last four years to listen more than I speak.  I have spent time in many different settings where I have found myself happy to listen and dreading the thought of speaking.  These are good times to apply this verse, but not only that, I've become very aware of how much people need to be heard.  The part I may struggle with more is the latter half of the verse, being slow to anger.  With children, slow to anger is not hard for me.  However, with adults, I am all too quick to get annoyed.  I know that God is working on this in me, providing me times to listen and eyes to see from a different perspective.  Anger is such an easy emotion to write off.  For some reason we allow ourselves to become angry and are quick to justify it or make light of it.  Everything from, "well he didn't do this and said he would" to "I just turn into a different person when I get behind the wheel".  Anger is not okay. Period. This is a harsh word for me today.  I want to have the right to be upset with someone.  I want to have the right to have an opinion, and not a very nice one at that. Then beyond that, I want the right to share my opinion whenever I feel like it. The truth is, I need to listen more...to others and to God.  Just listen.  Listen.

A Grumpy Day

I have found myself being a bit irritable today.  I don't know why.  Nothing in particular happened, but I just don't feel happy.  Do you have days like that?  There isn't an explanation for a bad mood or a quick temper, but that's what you've got.  I have managed to sit around and grump today.  This is not something I'm proud of.  As a matter of fact, it kind of embarrasses me.  So on days like this, when I've just had enough of everything, I take special care with those I love.  I try to make sure I communicate better and pay attention to what I say and do, so as not to hurt those closest to me. I ask God to show me what it is that's causing the issue. Today I had some new learning that was very good and will impact my relationship with God. (Maybe I'll write about that soon, after I've had time to process.) I don't think the enemy is too happy about that. There may be some sabotage going on, but I'm not going to let that happen.  Jesus be near.

Prayer of Giving

Father, I pray that your Spirit would enter in today, that I would feel you close.  I praise you for the incredible relationships you have brought into my life, for the love you have bestowed on me through those around me.  Lord, I pray that I would give that love received to others, as I have been so blessed by the work of your hands.  May your Spirit guide my every step and be in every action, that the world will see you and not me. Keep me humble in spirit and kind in heart.  Amen.

I Am the Idol

I was reading today in Isaiah 45 about idols.  In this day and age, I feel like our idols are not wooden or even electronic.  We are our own worst enemies when it comes to idol worship.  We place ourselves on the pedestal through our selfishness.  We serve our own desires over those of God and others.  I continued to look through scripture after reading Isaiah and found this verse from Philippians, Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. (2:3) This kind of smacked me a bit.  This is exactly what I was thinking about.  How often do I something because there is gain in it for me?  How often am I basking in the glory that really should be directed toward God?  There are moments in my life where humility is present  and then there are others where I know I am the idol on the pedestal. Lord, may your Spirit infiltrate me through and through to set you on the throne of my life that I will show Jesus' love to others and give you the glory.

Little Annoyances

Do you have certain things that just annoy you no matter how great your day is going?  Well, I do. My current battle is the snow in our outside roof vents that's melting and causing issues in our vaulted ceiling.  Totally annoying.  I'm having a great day, come home and see the tell-tale bubble in the sheet rock and I'm instantly annoyed.  Oh, there is a fix to this, I know, but no one gets to the fixing in a time frame that is to my liking. ;-) And I know it's a ridiculously small problem, but it's causing me major annoyance.  Silly, isn't it? But I know we all have things like this.  Here's my learning.  After years of these little types of annoyances (sometimes they're larger) that pop up in my daily life, I have learned to turn them over to God as soon as I recognize them.  These are a tool of the enemy to distract me and cause me to take my sight off of Jesus.  The annoyance leads to worry which steals my attention causing me to put my energy into worry instead of into faith.  It doesn't mean that I am instantly over being annoyed when I turn it over to God, it's a process. These little annoyances are a way for Satan to get a small foothold, and no annoyance is important enough to allow that to happen.  Don't lose sight of the One who actually has control over it all anyway.  No worries.  Our ceiling will dry and we'll get the filters in the vents sooner rather than later. :-)

Psalm 123:1 I lift up my eyes to you, to you whose throne is in heaven.

Calling Drought

This school year I have been focused on my calling.  I've been trying to discern whether or not I am being called into another place or profession.  Why am I feeling this way?  Well it has to do with my own dissatisfaction.  God has been working diligently on my heart with this.  I am now recognizing the amazing work God is doing in, around, and through me in this time of "calling drought".  I have no clue what is next, so I am forced to be very aware of all that is going on around me.  I reflect on conversations, pay attention to people who are brought across my path, read scripture, have mentor dialogues, and see situations with a spiritual eye in order to discern the movements of God.  Throughout, He has been faithful to show me where He is at work in my current calling, which is encouraging.  I do not know what the next chapter brings, if anything new, but I know that where I am now is exactly where He has planned for me to be.  A "calling drought" is a tricky place to be, but faithfulness leads to living water from the Spirit that quenches the thirsty soul in the midst of wandering the desert. I am thankful for this truth.

Dialogue With God

When I begin my time with God, the first question I ask Him is generally, "What do you want to tell me, Lord?"  Most often the first thing He says is, "I love you" and that makes me smile, every time. Then I move on to "Okay, but what else?" This question comes from a selfish thought process.  If I'm going to build a deeper relationship with God, I want to express interest in His interests.  I think that God gets excited about things He is doing in our lives and He wants to share those things with us.   But that's not the question I ask.  So why not ask that question, "Lord, what are you working on that makes you excited?"  I tell Him what I'm excited about and the things for which I am thankful. Why not turn the tables and truly have a dialogue with God?  How would asking that question change your relationship with your maker? Try it.  Ask God what He's excited about.  You might be surprised by what He brings to mind.

God Has Led Me Here

Sometimes I wish circumstances in my life were different.  Sometimes I wish there was a quick fix to an ongoing problem.  Sometimes I think that praying about that circumstance and asking for God to be God and do something about it is what I should do.  And then I read scripture like this, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3 Scripture is alive, and don't let anyone tell you differently.  It speaks volumes into the soul and gives life to dark places.  This verse reminded me of what I know.  Peace from the Spirit is what I long for and what I need to seek, not a change in circumstance.  I know the calling set before me.  I do not doubt that I am right where I am supposed to be at this moment because God has led me here.  Therefore, my circumstance cannot change.  My mind is what needs to be changed.  My mind needs to remain steadfast in the calling, of which my heart already trusts.  This is the prayer to lift to Heaven, turn my trust into perfect peace.  This type of peace, peace in difficult circumstances, does surpass the question why and makes changing the circumstance unnecessary.  I know this from experience.

Good Is Coming...

My focus as of late has been on the current struggle in which I find myself.  I have been asking God where the next step will take us and what the next portion of our journey will be.  This last summer we experienced some very high highs and are now finding ourselves in a low low.  God's word to me during this time is that sometimes good things are preceded with tears and pain.  Jesus experienced this in the garden before His arrest. He was in agony over what He knew was coming.  There was the ultimate victory ahead, and yet, his focus before the triumph had to be on the pain and suffering that would precede it. He endured intense pain and suffering for an incredible victory for us.  We want everything to be handed to us without any pain or suffering.  We want it to be simple, and in some ways, think we deserve it to be simple.  The truth is, there is value in the pain and suffering.  There is so much to be gained when we are forced to our knees and must call on the One who will come near in the pain and suffering. This makes the victory even sweeter.

Sunday's Prayer

Father, as we enter a new year, I pray that your Spirit will move in a mighty way.  I pray for your hand of protection over us.  May we always seek you first and aim to give you the glory and show your power throughout each and every day.  May we step out of the way and allow Jesus to be the one who is seen as we interact with others.  Lord your will be done as we journey together. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Time Well Spent

Sitting with my computer open and my Bible next to me, I struggle to hear God speak.  Then it hits me, I have the wrong thing open.  "Open your Bible and close your computer." Right.  Done.  That's a good lesson all around.  I spend so much time on devices of some kind.  I am sucked in by the pictures, postings, phrases, videos, and clever memes.  I waste so much time on media, and yet, I can't seem to find time to spend with my maker.  It is quite convicting. I read through Ezekiel chapter 7 and it's a bit convicting as well, however one phrase completes point after point, "Then you will know that I am the Lord."  God has so many ways that He shows Himself to us, but we so often miss Him.  We don't spend enough time with Him to recognize Him when He shows up.  In addition, we are distracted by all of the other things we make time to do such as kids, jobs, sports, games, workouts, music, friends, _________. (You fill in the blank.)  Time is such a valuable commodity. We all have the same amount, yet how differently we each spend it.  My challenge, spend a little quiet time with God each day.  Media is a life sucker. Spend time with the Giver of Life.

Why Post?

So, as I sit here and ponder what to post about and my reasons for starting to post again, I can't help but share what is really at work here.  In the past year, while not posting, I have seen God at work very obviously in my world.  He has ordained and ordered many, many moments.  There have been mountain moments and there have been dark moments. My thought process in posting is simply this, I want to be closer to God.  I want to make time for Him everyday, not just notice where He is everyday.  The moments where I sit on the couch and bask in His presence, allowing Him to talk to my heart and tell me how much He loves me, how much He desires to be near me, and how much He enjoys the time we spend together, that's why I'm posting.  It is all about me intentionally building my relationship with Jesus. We, me included, need to start seeing our relationship with Jesus like we see all of our relationships...relationships only grow  deeper when we spend time together.  I don't know where you are in your walk with God, but the only way to see Him and get close to Him is to spend time with Him. And I mean real time, not just your hour or two in church, but a daily time.  Start with just ten minutes even. I guarantee it will be well worth the time you spend. 

Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.