Only God Knows

Some days are rougher than others.  There are moments where I stop and take stock of all that is going on around me and think, "Lord, what in the world are you doing with me?"  I don't mean it disrespectfully or say it in a sassy tone.  I am literally thinking, What could possibly be your plan for me that I need this experience to prepare me, to the point that I'm a little afraid of what He could be preparing me for.  So here I am again, trying to figure out God and am completely baffled.  It's not baffled in a bad or frustrated way.  It's just that my heart cannot wrap itself around what God has in mind.  This just reminds me that I'm glad I'm not God, and I'm glad He is.  I'm glad God is in control of my life and knows exactly what I need, when I need it, to prepare me for His purpose.  'Nough said. ;-)

A Relationship Worth Having

How do you know it's God talking to you?  I talk to God often and I ask Him questions kind of a lot.  I have learned how to hear His voice and recognize when He shares His thoughts with me.  Another careful check I use when trying to discern God's voice is to ask my trusted mentors what God is telling them.  I have kind of a system of checks and balances to make sure God is giving the same word to those around me.  I didn't always know God's voice.  God first spoke through those mentors and then I started to ask those mentors to talk to God for me and give me His words.  Then slowly, I began to ask God myself and was able to confirm His word to me through those same people.  The main thing is, I've been doing this for a long time.  I've had amazing familial examples of how to do this.  I have spent my life trying to get to know Jesus well enough that He is truly my friend and we speak like friends.  Don't be discouraged if you don't hear God.  Make the time and take the time to listen to Him and grow your relationship.  You'll hear Him, but you have to give it time.  All relationships worth having take time to grow.

I'm Uncomfortable

There is something new on the prayer list today.  Something that has caused me pause.  I do not like when I am in the waiting game, especially since my waiting game is usually played by God until the very last minute.  Right now I am between two thoughts, neither of which has any clear answers to important questions. This makes it hard to come up with a clear thought or have any peace.  It is simply a time to sit and wait and watch what God does.  I'm normally okay with that, but for some reason at this moment, I am not.  I feel very uncomfortable.  I'm praying about that too.  I'm praying that God will show me what it is He is needing me to understand from my discomfort.  There is so much to learn with God.  The statement, "The more I know, the less I understand" comes to mind.  However, the difference is, with God, the more I know, the less I need to understand.  Maybe that's what I'm to be learning in my discomfort. :-) It's an interesting place to be.

Are You Different?

Is your Monday any different after Easter Sunday?  My Lenten journey concluded with a big bang. Easter Sunday was awesome at church. Now it's back to the old grind.  But is it really?  The answer is no.  For Lent, I got to experience God's transformational grace. I also got to grow deeper in relationship with Jesus and Dalton at the same time.  I am grateful for the journey and am excited to continue some of the transformation and devotional time that God has been providing.  I am fascinated by how God uses certain parts of life to make the rest of life better.  He gets ahold of something that seems so insignificant and makes it amazingly impacting.  I began Lent knowing I would be different by the end of it, and sure enough, I am.  Monday is different because I get to live in Resurrection.  I get to experience transformational grace and Jesus' glory now.  That is life changing every day, when I let it be.

Easter Prayer

Father, thank you for the gift of your son, for his sacrifice, and for his resurrection. May we live in the power of the resurrection as we let your Spirit change our hearts to be who you created us to be. Our hope is in eternity with you. Thank you for your love, mercy, and grace. To you be the glory. Amen.

See the Gain

Why are we so afraid to sit in our sadness? I am learning something new about my own walk during this Lenten journey.  Every year up to now, I have always wanted to focus on the coming Easter Sunday and not dwell on Good Friday.  I have pushed my mind to think of the hope that comes in the resurrection after the crucifixion. While this is all good and it is where our hope lies, I'm learning that there is much value in the suffering of the cross and the death of Christ.  This year I am not pushing that aside, but rather letting my heart be in that moment through those days.  I'm finding that sitting in the pain is giving the hope of the resurrection a new depth.  Thinking about how alone Jesus must have felt and the weight he carried has made my feelings for him change.  It has brought on a new depth of gratitude for his sacrifice.  Yes it was just for me, but it was the burden of the sin of the world that he bore.  My sin alone is enough to make me shudder, but the burden of everyone's sin is more than I can fathom.  Yet, allowing my heart to stay in that moment is giving me a better perspective. There is gain in our suffering with Christ.  We need to learn to embrace it and find the mercy and grace that is so freely given. Suffering changes your life, whether it's Jesus' suffering for your sin or you suffering for him.  See the gain.

He Chose to Serve

Holy Week is always a little somber for me.  I know there is major celebration to come, but I am always humbled by the work Jesus did to get to victory.  When I think of the weight and shame laid on him, I don't even have words to describe what I feel inside.  I am beyond grateful for the mercy and grace of our Lord and the love that he showed and bestows.  No greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for another.  We are called to be servants of one another, to care for one another and be united in Christ.  Alas, the world is broken and we struggle to do so.  We want to lead and be strong, yet Christ's greatest strength was when he showed weakness, unto death on a cross, while we were yet sinners.  Humbling to have a Lord who chose to serve.  I choose to follow Christ.

The Gift of Each Other

My most recent revelation in my growth through the Holy Spirit is how quickly I am brought to a place of peace during struggle.  Something that Liz and I have learned over the years is that we are quick to call out the lies that Satan feeds us.  Our way of doing this is by talking to each other and saying what we are believing out loud.  This does a couple of things.  Speaking out the lies that Satan is feeding our minds with sheds light on the darkness.  Sometimes just repeating those things out loud makes us realize how ridiculous they are.  Other times we actually have to specifically pray for each other regarding the lie and then remind each other of what we know to be truth.  My relationship with Liz is invaluable for that reason.  She is my bringer/reminder of truth and I do the same for her.  As we have seen and felt the effects of this practice, we have gotten very quick to share with one another the moment we are feeling something is off.  This speed does not allow Satan to get a good hold on us.  I am thankful that God has given me this gift in my sister.  God is in, around, and through us for each of us.  I like that.

Has God Left?

As I sit on my couch and ponder on God, I am left blank.  Does that mean God has left me?  Does it mean that God doesn't care?  These questions cannot be answered with yes, but that's exactly what we will say.  We don't feel God, so we presume He has gone from us.  We feel alone, so we presume God doesn't care.  We could not be farther from the truth in these moments.  God is with us, and He cares deeply.  So what's the deal?  Why do we struggle with these thoughts, and why don't we feel Him all the time?  We want God when we want God.  Hmm...meaning, we only want God when it fits into our lives and our plans.  The truth is...God is in our lives continually.  Our struggle is that we only tend to look for Him when it is convenient for us.  Then we can't always find Him because we aren't really sure who He is.  Sometimes I believe God leaves me "blank" so that I have to wrestle with my own misconceptions/presumptions about who He is.  I forget what I know and allow my mind to be clouded with untruth.  God gives me "blank" moments so that the Spirit can refill what I know to be true and reset my faith.  It's not God leaving me, but quite the opposite.  It is God filling me.

Prompted By Faith

2 Thessalonians 1:11 With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith.

I desperately needed this verse today and God knew it.  Dalton and I have acted in faith and we are experiencing some difficult times now.  God has been faithful to us in our movement and has provided all that we have needed up to this point.  It just seems as though it is a taking a long time of his purpose to come to fruition.  The waiting is stressful and doubt starts to creep in.  God has been very good about reminding me of what I know, but it was awesome to read it in the scripture today.  When you act out of faith, it never seems to be the logical way to do something.  It always seems backward to our thinking, which is exactly how we know it's probably of God.  My thoughts are not His thoughts, as much as I wish they were, and my ways are not His ways.  I work to be in His will so that my desires equal His, but it's the timing that is still a hang-up for me.  We're getting there!  He is working on our behalf, always.  That's a good word!

Invite Him

My Lenten journey has been a reminder for me to be intentional about making time with God and inviting Him in during that time.  I've reached a point in my walk, and this has happened before, where I am constantly talking with God as I go to a coffee date or head into a meeting, so what happens is that I almost become to comfortable.  I expect God to just be there.  And He is, but there is something to asking Him to be present.  In my experience, when I specifically ask God to enter into my time with Him, I notice a difference in that time.  I don't want to just come to become complacent in my walk or take God's presence for granted.  I want to be fully aware of His presence, not just used to it.  I hope that makes sense.  It's difficult to articulate.  Basically, I invite you to invite God into your time with Him and see what happens.

Holy Week Prayer

Father, as I enter into Holy Week, please be near.  Help me to remember your sacrifice and the gift I have been given through Christ.  I am humbled by your grace and mercy.  My heart is full as my spirit is sobered by the journey you took.  May my life reflect the love you have shown me. Amen.

It Is Tangible

This week has been wild.  Some moments have been super happy.  Some have been really hard.  Some have been anxiety laden.  Others have been laugh 'til you cry funny.  Here's the deal.  This is life.  It changes from second to second.  It is not the same.  Celebrate when you have the opportunity. Cry when the moment takes you.  Laugh when it's just too funny to hold it in.  Scream when you just can't take anymore.  God is big.  He can handle it all.  Jesus experienced it all.  He knows what we are living.  He knows where we are.  He knows our hearts.  He knows what we need exactly when we need it.  Trust in Him with your journey and you won't be disappointed, even when you are disappointed.  Jesus gives you something that is indescribable, but it is tangible.  I needed this reminder today.

Emotions Change, Jesus Doesn't

I'm on the rollercoaster again.  Ups and downs, highs and lows.  I feel like the closer I get to God and the more I lean on Jesus, the higher the highs and the lower the lows.  There are a few differences in the highs and lows when you are growing with God.  The highs and lows don't last as long.  They are somewhat fleeting the realm of life, maybe one to two days.  You aren't caught up in the emotions themselves.  You are able to recognize that it is simply that, an emotion, a feeling, something that changes and will change.  You are able to identify and somewhat compartmentalize those emotions to a specific situation and they don't bleed over into other areas.  You are able to call out Satan when he tries to get you to put them in the wrong place and take you farther down.  Why is this?  I believe it is because when you walk with the Spirit and you know to your core that Jesus is with you all the way, you recognize that He is the one thing that will not change.  He is steadfast.  Our family has said, "You cannot steal our joy."  That's what that's about.  You cannot take Jesus from someone.  You cannot take the peace that God provides.  You cannot lose the love that is in Christ.  Life is full of ups and downs, highs and lows, but one thing remains the same...Jesus.  Let Him make the rough places a plain.

Ongoing Battle

Psalm 33:20 We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.

When I am disappointed in myself, I can't even imagine how God feels about me. And then He reminds me, He loves me.  He's not disappointed in me.  He is excited about what He is doing in me and He wishes I could focus on that too.  This is all about battle.  Battle that takes me to places that I can generally lean on God and get through.  The part that is tiring about battle is the fact that it is ongoing.  It does not end.  God gets you over one hurdle and then the next one is right there.  Satan knows our hurdles all too well.  He is slick at using them too, great at timing and placement.  This is why I want to focus on what God is doing in my life; how he is using these hurdles and battles to grow my heart deeper and narrow my focus on Him.  There are just days where I don't have it in me to fight and my heart shuts down for a bit.  I want to scream at God, "You do it!" And then I'm right where He wants me.  He wants to battle for me.  I just need to get over my pride and let Him.

Quality Time and Words

How do you show others you love them? Do you spend quality time with them?  Do you tell them?  Do you do acts of service for them?  Do you give them gifts?  Do you hug them often?  As I think about this particular group of languages to show love, I am struck by the fact that my languages, quality time and words, are not always what I use to show God I love him.  I'm wondering why that is.  I like to receive love in the same way, quality time and words.  So now I am thinking, I need to spend more quality time with God.  It's that simple.  Show Him I love Him and receive love from Him with quality time, not just an hour or two on Sunday morning and Wednesday evening and a daily 30 minute blog post, but real quality time.  Hmm...I need this.

Love

Why do you suppose Jesus didn't overthrow the Roman government when he came?  Why do you suppose he didn't take himself off the cross?  Why do you suppose he didn't prove who he was in the way that everyone expected him to do so?  Why was he quiet when people ridiculed him?  Why didn't he fight back? Why didn't he show them who he really was?  You see...he did.  Jesus showed us exactly who he was.  He loved every single person on the earth enough to take our wrath for us.  He endured all of the pain and suffering and cruelty in our place.  Love is what kept him on the cross.  Love is what kept him quiet in the storm.  Love is what kept him at peace while the world around him  beat and ridiculed him.  It was all because of his love for us.  Jesus showed exactly who he was.  Jesus is love.

Get Higher Up

Sometimes I have these dreams where I'm way up in the air looking down on the earth.  I'm a little frightened, but I can see everything.  I asked Liz what she thought this was.  She mentioned something she had learned that talked about how sometimes we have to get up above all of the earthly mess to see what God is doing.  Her thoughts were that this might be what these dreams mean.  Get above and take a Godly look.  So today, that's what I'm doing.  In my most recent dream, the path I was supposed to take was difficult to see, but it was visible.  For me this is God saying, "You know what I'm asking you to do.  I know you are afraid and uncertain, but I am with you.  I have called you to this purpose.  Stay on and keep watch."  There you have it, when life gets a little bumpy on the ground and you don't have a clue what's going on, get higher up so you can see it from God's perspective.  Be prepared though, usually, for me anyway, there is a bit of the unknown and it can be a little unsettling to see what God is really up to.  Oh, it's all good, but to us it is just so big.  Good thing He goes with us.

Greatness In You

A prayer for peace within for the world.  Lord, I pray that your Spirit will wash over us that we might be able to see each other with the eyes of Jesus.  I pray that our hearts would be changed that we will see each other as a beautiful creation meant for greatness in You.  We are all seeking, Lord, but may we seek the thing that will truly satisfy our thirst...You.  Bless us with your Presence all our days. Amen.

Grace Is Beautiful

Jonah 3:10 When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened.

Grace is evident all through the Bible.  It is something that I tend to give a little too often.  I think the best of people and I want to give them every opportunity to "turn it around".  This is all fine and good until I cross the line of grace and move into enabling.  I pay very close attention to my intentions and the intentions of those on the receiving end when it comes to grace.  Sometimes we have to handle each other with tough love and other times we need to extend the hand of grace.  It can be difficult to know when to do this, which is why it becomes vital that one stay connected with the Giver of Grace to be discerning.  Grace is beautiful.  We must first understand the grace that has been bestowed upon us before we can extend it to others.  And, only when we extend it to others can we truly understand it's full power in us.  Ah, the grace of God!

Think About What You Know

I'm needing some positive things to start happening consistently.  I feel like there have been little snippets of possibility, but none of them have come to complete fruition yet.  I also have had several not so great things happen recently, and none of them have completely resolved yet.  So, I'm in this waiting game.  I am leaning heavily on God, asking him what He is up to and how He wants me to respond.  When things are in this particular stage, not good, not bad, but going, I tend to lean on what I know to be truth because it is really easy for Satan to distract me.  I almost start to panic and then I am reminded of what I know.  I know that God is working for my good.  I know that God has a plan.  I know that God's timing is perfect.  I know that I am being formed for a particular purpose.  I know that I have a massive support system in place.  I know that I am loved.  I know that I am heard. I know that I have been brought to this specific time, in the is specific place, for a specific reason.  Now to keep my Kingdom eyes open and my heart malleable for the Spirit to put me into the final preparation stage for whatever is coming.  Something is coming!

"Who Cares?"

My question today, "Who cares?"  Sometimes I am so wrapped up in my own world and come across people who don't realize all I am doing or all that has happened around a certain situation and I find myself wanting to just walk away with the response, "Who cares?".  Unfortunately, it is a very sarcastic thought and not a nice thought at all.  It is one that means I don't want to make time to fill someone in or even that I can't fill them in for certain reasons, so I just have to bear the brunt of the burden anyway.  The beauty in all of this is that I know who cares.  I know that I have someone on my side who is constantly battling for me.  I have someone on my side who knows what I know, who knows my heart and my true intentions.  I have someone who I can count on even when everything/everyone else seems to be walking away, including me.  Jesus.  He really does care.  This thought doesn't help me in my "Who cares?" moment, per se, but it is what gets me through during the reflection of the moment.  I realize how many things I could have done in that moment to have made a difference and allowed Jesus to shine through so that I maybe wouldn't have gotten to my "Who cares?" moment.  I don't have many of them, but sometimes discouragement gets the best of me.  How about you?

Two Sides To Every Story

So the saying goes, There are two sides to every story.  I feel like I am learning this the hard way this week, but that's not what I want to talk about.  The story I want to focus on is the gospel.  The two sides of that story are Jesus' and mine.  If Jesus were to tell that story, what would be his key points?  I think he would share his love for me that drove him to the cross because of my sin condition.  He would emphasize my life in him through his resurrection and the glory to be gained.  How do I tell that story?  What are my key points?  For me it is the mercy and grace of God that moves Him to send His Son to take my place on the cross.  It is the hope I find in Jesus that drives me to greater love and devotion for the One who created me.  Both "stories" are accurate and both perspectives are necessary to see the true picture of the Savior.  How would you tell your side of the Gospel?

10 Minutes

Today is a day to be still.  I have had these before.  There is nothing that I want to say to God, I just need to be in His presence and rest with Him.  I have written on this before.  See if you have 10 minutes to just sit and be still with Him today. That's my goal.  It seems silly small, but it's my start.  Honestly, I kind of want to have a freak out moment, but instead I'm going to listen to His still small voice saying, "Be still and know that I am God."

Reflection on Friendship

Today I'm thinking about the friend I have in Jesus.  When I journey through Lent, I am pleasantly surprised by the ways God chooses to reveal Himself and the way I notice different aspects of life.  Lent is always a time of reflection and growth for me.  I am challenged in new ways to look at myself.  This year is no different.  I have always thought of Jesus as my friend.  I don't know if it's from songs I sang growing up, or if it was from the walk my mom had with him, or if it is just the way God has chosen to grow that relationship. Whatever it is, I am challenged today with the way I do friendships.  Do I do them like Jesus does his with me?  Am I as all in as Jesus is for me?  Do I invest in others the way Jesus invests in me?  I'm not exactly sure.  Friendships take on lives of their own.  Person to person relationships vary.  However, Jesus never varies.  He is the same.  I need to reflect on what this means for me in my relationships with others.  I often say I want people to see Jesus when they look at me.  I may be getting in the way of that simply in the way I interact with people.  God must be working on that in me, since He is so lovingly pointing it out.

Grow Us Deep

Heavenly Father, I am so thankful for your guiding hand.  I pray for all of those who are walking a difficult path.  There are so many who are not in simple circumstances right now and I pray that you would provide specific grace for each of them to feel your joy and your presence as they journey.  Lord, you are in charge of all things and I pray for all of the best things for each of those who are not named.  May you reveal yourself and be closer than ever before.  Grow us deep.  Amen.

Formation vs Transformation

Romans 6:14 For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.

Paul had such a way with words and his writings on grace are my favorites.  My life has been changed by the scriptures Paul wrote regarding living under grace.  Here's the deal, when we live by a list of rules to obey, we become focused on the actions of ourselves and others.  We are very aware of what we can and cannot do and become obsessed with keeping ourselves in check.  We use the Christian term "accountability", but really, it's just us being in control of our own formation.  This type of change is not transformation, as the Pharisees lives proved, and Paul experienced.  So let's talk about living under grace.  Living by grace completely changes where your thought process goes.  Grace only comes from God.  Our focus can only be on the Godhead.  In grace we are fully aware of our sins and the need for Jesus to cleanse them.  We recognize our inability to transform our own hearts.  In grace we experience the work of the Spirit in our lives to bring about a true heart change we so desperately need.  Only when the Spirit changes the heart is there life transformation, both in heart and in action.  Living in grace gives us the God focus necessary for transformation.  Paul says it again and again.

Size Doesn't Matter

Do you ever feel that what your calling is so insignificant compared to another person's calling?  Comparison is such a dangerous slope because it doesn't allow us to look at ourselves the way Jesus looks at us.  We are each unique and individual beings with certain gifts and callings designed specifically for the road set before us.  Our lives all have meaning, and the beauty is that God cares for each and every person on this earth with His full love and compassion.  So whether you are called to walk the earth to impact one person or one million, in God's eyes, YOU are the important part of the calling.  It's not the size of the calling that matters, or even the calling itself.  It is YOU that matters.  YOU are the important one to God.  YOU are significant because you were made by the creator of the universe and you are loved by the Savior of the world.  Don't get caught up in comparing your life to another's.  Get caught up in being loved by God.

My Controlling Self

I believe God is trying to teach me something about my control and anger.  I've found that I've been under the impression that I think I have relinquished control in all areas to God, but He keeps finding new ways to point out to me that I haven't.  I am a perfectionist; I know that.  I like things the way I like them; I know that. I am particular about how things get done; I know that.  I don't like to let people do things that I know I can do well; I know that.  It's not pretty.  It's not nice.  It's not grace-filled.  It's not good.  When others try to help, or do something within my little world, I am completely annoyed if what they do doesn't make sense to me or doesn't fit my expectations.  This is not okay.  It's the next step that I am asking God to work on in my life.  I am in desperate need of the Spirit to come into my life and fix my controlling self.  I never saw it as an issue until I saw what kind of ugly frustration it causes me.  I want to see the grace-filled Abbie God created in all areas of life, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The Beautiful Tapestry

I am seeing today the effects of being on a journey for a length of time.  I have been on my current job journey for four years now and I am seeing just how much God can do in a relatively short amount of time.  I am experiencing deep connected relationships with people, seeing visible spiritual changes in people, and watching the Spirit at work around me.  It has been such a blessing to go back to a place I had been in the past and see how God has brought me full circle with this place.  I don't know what His future plans are for me or for the place, but I know that He is at work.  He has already used some details from the past to pull together pieces of today, and I have no doubt that the pieces of today are connecting to something in the future.  The beautiful tapestry he weaves sometimes gets lost in the hustle and bustle of our lives, especially when we feel like the time is ticking faster and faster.  Today, I was invited to stop and view the work of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  It is awe-inspiring!

I Am Stumped

I'm confused today by what God is up to in my life.  I've had several different moments that have come together and I don't really know what their connection is just yet.  I know God is working on something, I just can't put it together. I have had some unusual conversations with people and questions have come to mind that aren't answerable.  These are times where I stop and say, "Lord, make it clear.  Keep my focus on you and broaden my perspective."  It's amazing to me how I don't think I plan ahead, or if I do I at least think I'm close to God's will, and then when something comes along that seems directly in opposition to what I thought was going to happen, I am stumped.  I guess I do plan ahead, which I know is a direct result of my need to control things.  That is where I am.  Things are not going in the direction I thought God was moving.  I am not floundering though.  I am staying still, opening my eyes, and praying.  I am not grabbing tightly to what I thought was the end game.  Instead, I am listening carefully to the conversations I have and asking God to speak through those in my life that He normally uses to bring His wisdom to me.  I'm expecting the phone to ring...